I often hear:  "I’m new to this area/I’m new to dancing/I’m new to your club.  I go to dances, but I don’t really know anybody.  Nobody asks me to dance.  Nobody talks to me."

My Best Answer is:  It shouldn’t be that way!  It would be great if dancers could remember when they were the new kid on the block.  It would be great if they would take the time to cultivate the friendship of a new dancer.  Often some who think they are the cream of the dance crop do not want to dance with anyone below their own level.  Naturally after you spend years working yourself up to that level you want to dance at that level.  However, who did you dance with on your way up?  Didn’t you try to dance as often as possible with those above you so that you could improve?  If you are a really good dancer you can still show your stuff while dancing with someone not quite as good.  If you are a leader, can you lead basic or intermediate stuff to a neophite dancer?  If you can’t maybe your leading skills need a little honing.  But while you are honing them don’t lead stuff so far above your partner’s level that they can’t keep up.  This will only frustrate or embarrass them.  But for Pete’s sake, don’t start giving dance lessons on a social dance floor!  This can also be embarassing for the recipient and even though you may not be able to tell it, the “FREE” lessons are often unwanted. Often they are also annoying to the other dancers on the floor who just want to dance.  Take the time to dance a couple of dances each dance event with someone below your level and just lead what they can handle.  Lead so well that you make yourself look good by making them look good.  In Jack & Jill contests people are often of varied abilities, but the prize doesn’t go to the person that outdances their partner, it goes to those that complement each other.

A Proactive Solution:  If you are the one saying, “I’m new to the area/I’m new to dancing/I’m new to your club”, take the bull by the horns.  Go to some group dance lessons.  Even if you feel you dance just fine, take group lessons.  This is where you get to meet the other dancers.  All of the classes that I have been to around here rotate parners, so you don’t need to have one of your own.  When the class rotates you will get a new partner so you will probably get to dance with everyone in the class.  Learn and use the names of the others in the class.  Most people will say, “I’m not good with names.”  Well, I wasn’t either, but when I started dancing I started working on that area of my brain.  I was way better at learning names than dance steps.  Even if you can just remember 2 or 3 names each night, in a few weeks you will know the names of everyone in the class.  The best way to remember a name is to use it.  When you rotate to a new partner say, “Hi Tim.  How are you doing tonight.”  Even if you guessed wrong, Tom will correct you and you will be engaged in a conversation.  If you are bashfull about asking someone there name, just say, “Hi, I’m Brian”.  The other person will usually respond by giving you there own name.  After several times you can no longer say, “It’s nice meeting you” because you both know that you’ve been through this for the last month.  You will have to switch to, “Im so embarassed, I can’t quite think of your name.”  That’s tough enough that it gives you an incentive to remember their names before you have to say that. 

Besides, the classes themselves should be fun.  If they aren’t then you picked the wrong class.  In a small class you should get more attention from the teacher.  This is great if your primary objective is to improve your dancing, but if your goal is to meet people, pick a class that has plenty of people in it.  You won’t get as much attention from the teacher but there will be more people to meet.  It is also good to pick a class that offers a little dancing between and after the sessions.  This gives you a chance to practice what you have just learned with the people that have just learned it with you.  Ladies don’t be afraid to ask a guy.  You can always say, “I didn’t quite get that double over the head loop de loop thing with the triple twist on the end.  Do you think you could try that with me?”  When you go to a dance, many of these same people will be there.  It is my personal experience that when people encounter each other in a second location they are automatically transformed into “old friends”, especially if they know your name.

Something that I noticed when I lived in San Francisco is that teachers tend to atract students of a similar dispositon.  Similar to each other and similar to the teacher.  Teachers who think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread will often have a disprortionate amount of unfriendly students.  Teachers who are warm, friendly, and fun will mostly have students with similar characteristics.  The grouchy, hot shot students will eventually gravitate to the teacher with the similar personality.  Great!  They deserve each other!

Please send me your experiences when you try this…Brian

Brian A. Paczesniak, Sr.
Past President, Desert Swing Dance Club (Palm Springs, CA)
(760) 328-7085
SirDanceALot@Icandance.com

Next Tip